A Better Man

March 23, 2020
In this thoughtful memoir and social commentary, comedian Black (You’re Not Doing it Right) writes a loving letter to Elijah, his college-bound son on what it means to be a man today. Black deconstructs America’s troubled relationship with toxic masculinity, which he believes fosters anger and withdrawal in American boys and men—including his younger self. “I cultivated an entire comedic persona based on withdrawal,” Black writes. “Sarcasm is a form of withdrawal.” He recalls the alienation of his suburban New Jersey upbringing and the “might always made right” mantras of the Ramboesque Reagan era. Today, he explains, American men—especially white men—are scared, since their macho behavior is becoming increasingly irrelevant. It’s all made worse, he contends, by “the infinite axis of manliness,” by which society rates a guy’s masculinity based on such arbitrary factors as his choice of beverage or academic performance (“A C student is somehow more macho than an A student”). Black’s advice and counsel (“Respectful pride can enhance your dignity and lift up the people around you”), based on his own desire to be “a better man,” is never maudlin but worldly and self-effacing. He convincingly writes to Elijah, “your generation of men can become pioneers, reinventing masculinity.” Parents will be moved and enlightened by Black’s thoughtful advice.